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Seeing things differently

15 Feb

Today Brenda continues to write about her journey after the sudden death of our son Isaac in April 2011.

Where am I now?

As I reflect on the last several years after Isaac was promoted to Heaven, I have changed.  I am not the Brenda I was before.  I see things differently.  I am looking through a different lens.  One thing I can now see after several years is how the Lord provided for me:

  • Providing help from a neighbor
  • Providing hospital workers who all prayed together surrounding us
  • Providing rainbows in the sky to let me know that He was still there and a double rainbow on the first-year anniversary date of Isaac’s promotion
  • Providing mourning doves to let me know that He still heard me
  • Providing finances, even from people we never met
  • Providing a loving and supportive family
  • Providing food
  • Providing time off from work for Andy
  • Providing the many cards, emails, and flowers even from people we never met
  • Providing friends that would just listen
  • Providing churches that were willing to reach out to us
  • Providing a sister who was willing to come and stay with us
  • Providing uplifting and encouraging words
  • Providing friendships with those who have experienced the loss of a loved one
  • Providing a local GriefShare support group
  • Providing understanding and helpful neighbors
  • Providing those who would pray for us

Those are just some of the things I can reflect on and know that the Lord was with us during our time of need.

I did not always see this.  The first year and a half was the absolute hardest of anything I have ever experienced in my life.  But, the fog started lifting and I could “see”.  I began slowly to see and hear the birds sing again.  I could see the beautiful colors the Lord has provided for us to admire.  I could see and hear and experience laughter again.  But most of all, I could see how blessed I am with the family I have.

Do I still struggle and have bad days?  Yes.  Triggers that come from nowhere may send me for a loop, but I do not stay “there” as long.

(2Co 10:5) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

This verse was key for me to remember to turn off my negative switch and turn on my positive switch.  I give thanks to the Lord for all that He has provided.  I have to choose to do this and I choose not to think upon those things such as:

  • What people may have said to me that hurt
  • Cards or emails I didn’t receive and thought I should have
  • or…fill in the blank with any other negative thought.

There is grace and forgiveness.  I never experienced anything like this before and most other people have not.  Many do not understand and are not trying to intentionally be mean.  I didn’t understand either.  The Lord has helped me to see this.  He gives me grace and lots of it; therefore, I should also extend grace to those around me.

Do I still grieve?  Yes.  Will I always grieve?  Yes.  However, as I look back, I can now see things that I couldn’t see when I was clouded by grief – the Lord was still with me.

Blessings,

Brenda

 
4 Comments

Posted by on February 15, 2015 in Grief, Spiritual and Emotional

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

4 responses to “Seeing things differently

  1. Betty

    February 15, 2015 at 5:35 PM

    Dear Brenda, What a blessing to read your post and see how the Lord is working in your healing and praise Him for ALL that he provides. May our Lord continue to give you peace and comfort. Love to all. Betty

     
    • Ephesians 5:16

      February 21, 2015 at 1:45 PM

      Thank you, Betty. It took me awhile to “see” because of the deep sorrow I felt, but, praise the Lord, He is patient with me. Much love and hugs, Brenda

       
  2. Claire

    February 16, 2015 at 8:13 AM

    Reading your blog, not so long ago, inspired our whole family to sit down and watch Courageous again. And as I was watching I thought of you. How courageous you are to go through such a loss and still feel the love of God; to choose to focus on the good rather than the bad and on the blessings you have seen in your life over the past few years.
    I am still so sorry you had to experience such pain but I just know you are a light and give hope to those who maybe don’t know how to heal and mend from such a loss.

     
    • Ephesians 5:16

      February 21, 2015 at 1:55 PM

      Thank you for your kind words, Claire. The initial pain and sorrow blinded me for quite awhile, but I eventually was / am able to reflect and see the Lord was indeed with me. This gives me such comfort and I do pray that my blog postings will help others who are experiencing such grief….help them to “see”.

       

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