I hear the birds sing. I see and smell the flowers as they bloom. I admire and appreciate the plants that grow in our garden. I appreciate the blue sky and sunshine.
One year ago, I could not comprehend these things. I was surrounded by a thick cloud of darkness. My senses were dulled, my eyes were heavy and my ears were stopped. My body was dry and my emotions were numb or raw. I could barely comprehend what was happening around me.
But now, praise the Lord, the clouds are breaking. We are still recovering and healing. There is still a wound in our hearts and a hole in our family. They will always be there, at least this side of Heaven. The wound will leave a scar as it heals. We will never forget our precious son and we miss the life that he brought to our family. But we have a new identity and we are different people. We have a new appreciation for the frailty and brevity of life. We have a greater hope and longing to be clothed in our eternal bodies. We hold lightly to the things of this world. We feel more sensitive to the needs of others and we look forward and appreciate the opportunities to reach out and help others. We haven’t moved “on” but are moving forward one step at a time (plodding along as our pastor said this morning).
Because we loved Isaac so much, we miss him terribly and can’t help but to be changed through this experience. To not let it affect us would be to deny our love for him. His absence leaves a void and a pain that change how we respond to life. If we ignore or try to dull the pain, we prevent ourselves from moving forward. As we cry out to God and lay our hearts before Him, He reaches down and comforts us right where we are. He reassures us of His love, mercy and grace. He gives us the strength to move forward.
I thank God for this break in the clouds and appreciate this season. I do know that all things are in His hands. I don’t know how long this season of refreshment will last, but I will enjoy it day by day. I pray that my heart will continue to be set on Heavenly things.